“I’m here to connect with people; I don’t know anyone else who was homeschooled.”

I begin each of our alumni groups by asking participants to share a few words about who they are and what they want out of the group. The most common answer is is a simple desire to connect,  stemming from a deep place of isolation

As a homeschool alum myself I understand this longing for connection.

As children, homeschooled students are the minority. As popular as homeschooling has gotten, and will get, children not attending school is still a radically different choice, and that stands out. As adults, that difference doesn’t disappear – it just changes shape. For better or for worse, being set apart from the quintessential experience of school impacts us, and it’s important to talk about. But where do we start? 

CRHE was founded on sharing the homeschool experience, from an alumni perspective. Back in 2013, our founders met across online platforms, forming an alliance to ensure these stories were given fair consideration in the exploding national conversation about homeschooling, and parent’s rights to do so. 13 years later, CRHE still centers homeschool alumni in research, programming, and advocacy efforts. Last fall, with a raft of opportunity on the horizon, we hosted focus groups to lead the organization’s next season.

Our first groups in December centered on fact finding and feedback – necessary for an organization ramping up for a legislative season. As the conversation progressed, and Tess & Jonah’s questions were answered, the need to share and connect came through the screen in a way that went beyond the agenda. Questions about accessing sports were more than a yes or no; it was about how isolated we felt as children. Questions about annual assessments bloomed into how much more confident we would have been in stepping forward into the world with solid measurement and statistics. These stiff questions were opening doors to talk about how much our experiences growing up homeschooled impacted who we are as adults today.  

Responding to our alumni’s tangible need to connect over our shared experiences, we decided to launch bi-monthly connection groups. Some theme, but no agenda; just an opportunity to connect with other adults who were once homeschooled children.  When we started hosting these groups we weren’t sure how they would be received. 

But beginning in March, Homeschool alumni joined our Zoom calls on Sunday afternoon and Monday evenings, dialing in from across the country, across ages, and across experiences. After our first three months of consistent groups I realized that people had no trouble connecting within the groups.

Homeschooling is not a monolith, and its graduates are not either. At our alumni group meetings, we had homeschool alumni from religious and secular backgrounds, academically driven and unschooling methods, large families and only children, and every other possibility. Despite those differences, or maybe because of those differences, the intertwine of our status as homeschool alumni with so many aspects of our lives was undeniable.  

Sharing our stories is powerful, and for many of us, homeschooling is the biggest story of our lives. It’s a hard story to share, though, questioning how we will be perceived. Are we dismissed as conspiracy believers with no social skills and an affinity for Jesus? Are we perceived as elitist, whip-smart academics with several college degrees? Did our parents hate the government? Do we hate the government? Even where homeschooling is the most popular, it’s only 1 out of every 16 kids- your coworkers were probably not homeschooled. 

These groups bridged the gap between the human need to share our stories and the safe space to do so. Every person in the Zoom room has been a homeschooled child, and that common thread ties us together and roots our conversations, even as each of our experiences are unique. We’re able to connect across those experiences and reflect, grow, and learn from each other in a live conversation. We can’t substitute the human connection of in-person conversations completely, but it’s an empowering step forward.  Nods, smiles and thumbs-up over Zoom validate our stories from the people who know best – other homeschool alumni. 

So many homeschool alumni ask us – how can we be part of the work to support safe, responsible, and child-centered homeschooling? These groups are an incredible place to start, because these stories are critical. The voice of people who were once homeschooled should be centered whenever homeschooling is being criticized, praised, or change is proposed, but where does that advocacy begin? Before alumni can advocate, testify, write, research, or organize, they often need something much simpler: the opportunity to hear and be heard by people who understand their experiences.

When I started facilitating these groups I noticed a major boost to my own self-confidence. I have learned that expressing vulnerability is often a strength. By sharing my lived experience and listening to the experience of others I have developed a deeper sense of meaning and connection in my life.

I’ve gotten so much positive feedback from group participants. It is awesome to hear about how helpful the groups are for many people. Running these groups is really helpful for me as well.

These conversations are already extending beyond Zoom, with alumni exploring opportunities to meet in person and build local connections. What began as a simple response to a need for community is becoming something larger: a growing network of homeschool alumni who are finding one another, sharing their stories, and helping shape the future of homeschool policy and practice. 

I encourage you to join in on a Sunday evening or Monday night; it’s a highlight of my month. Sign up for our next one here.